


White Walls and Blurry Eyes

by psychicmaya



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Blowjobs, Dead Poets Society - Freeform, Gay Stuff, Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Present Day AU, References to Abuse, Suicide Attempt, anderperry, basically the end of the movie never happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:06:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4056001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicmaya/pseuds/psychicmaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's nine years after The Incident that Neil is done trying to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Walls and Blurry Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first au so let me know what I can change/fix! Thanks to anyone who helped me edit it/read it and endured me. If you want, you can follow me [here](http://www.anderperrry.tumblr.com). Todd's letter was inspired by [this](http://huntingwinchestersarchive.tumblr.com/post/91654324516/sometimes-i-miss-you-so-much-it-hurts-neil-come) post.

It's nine years after The Incident that Neil is done trying to forget.

He tries not to think about it too often. It still invades his dreams most nights, the low click of the gun cracking in his ears, the rush of air released from his chest as he realized the gun had misfired and he wasn't dead. It's too much to remember the door being forced open, his mother sobbing as she spotted her son holding the gun with shaking hands, tiny noises of relief erupting from his chest. His father had never looked at him the same way, shipping him off to military school within the next few days without as much as a glance.

Neil assumed his old friends thought he was dead. In their eyes, it was close enough to the truth. The moment Neil pulled that trigger, he had chosen his own fate, forgotten about everyone who ever cared about him. Most of the Dead Poets’ Society had attempted to forget about the dramatic, breathtaking boy who had ruined all of them. Everyone except for Todd. It took months for Todd to even speak out in class again, unable to force words from his throat without Neil there to hold his hand in the dark and kiss his eyelids when he couldn't sleep. Todd tossed and turned each night without Neil’s solid body pressed up against his back, his hot breath tickling the back of Todd’s neck. He missed the feeling of Neil’s warm mouth on the small of his back, hands pressing up under his shirt. After six months, he finally forgot the feeling of Neil’s hands grasping his hips as they both bit their lips in order to stay silent.

Needless to say, Neil had gone out with a bang, literally, and found himself unable to face his friends, or anyone really, without them giving him the look. At first, Neil barely noticed it, for he was too deep in his own head, unable to connect with the outer world. He finally snapped out of it around two months after The Incident, when he noticed the stares people were giving him. They weren't necessarily blank, but they always tried to wipe away the concern when Neil turned their way. It was always the same: a look as if Neil would snap again at any moment, like he was a fragile, delicate item. He found everyone always staring, wondering if he was about to crumble again, for his parents didn't want to lose their precious boy more than they already had. 

Neil's father might have thrown a fit when his son wanted to be an actor, but it was almost a thousand times worse when Neil came out to his parents. There was breaking glass and harsh words spoken, but nothing hurt more than when Neil's own father spit at his son's shoes, screaming slur after slur.

"You won't be a faggot, not in my house and not in anybody's!" his father spat as Neil rubbed his sore jaw, his father's knuckles imprinted on his skin.

"What do you want me to do? Find some girl who I don't love, marry her, fuck her, and then have kids with her?" Neil mumbles.

"Don't use that tone with me, son. You're not going to be a queer whether you like it or not."

"Or what?"

"Then you're no longer a part of this family! No son of mine will ever be a fucking cocksucker," he growled, spitting at Neil's feet.

The words were nothing more than a nightmare nowadays, due to the fact that Neil barely had any time to date due to his busy hospital schedule. Every once in a while he would have a casual fuck with some Joe who always promised to call him back, even though Neil couldn't care less. He wasn't in it for a relationship, just a quick, physical encounter.

The only time he had ever truly been with someone was when he was still at Welton, and they only ever kept it a secret. Many nights ended with a quick handjob and a hand clamped over each other's mouths, trying not to let their moans seep through the paper thin walls. And when they fucked, it wasn't even fucking. It was more intimate, more passionate than that. Neil would never admit it to anyone, but back at the Academy, he made love to Todd, usually having to put a tie around Todd's mouth because he was always so damn vocal. They shared something that wasn't just a fling with a couple of casual fucks, but neither could face it. In the end, they barely had time to say goodbye.

Neil's father had shipped him off to military school merely days after The Incident, waving goodbye to him as the taxi pulled out from their driveway. Life at military school could have been worse, but it was mainly torture that Neil couldn't see his friends at all. The Dead Poet's Society would never meet again on a cold winters night to share poems and bond together. It wasn't the same without Neil there.

However, his friends wrote to him as often as they could, which meant they wrote frequently at first, then less and less. Even Charlie seemed to run out of words, trying not to get attached to someone he was so afraid would leave again.

The worst letters were Todd's, of course. He never sent many, but they were always short and succinct, always managing to rip Neil's heart out.

"Dear Neil,  
I hope you're doing fine at Braighton Military School. Must be a pain in the ass being the new guy. I should know. I'll try being there for you through these letters. I know how lonely it can get. And God knows how much you've helped me by just being there."

Neil's eyes scanned over the paper and he tried his hardest not to cry. The letter felt so impersonal, so raw and he could barely read it without feeling like someone was choking him. At the bottom, scribbled like an afterthought was, "Sometimes I miss you so much it hurts, Neil. Come home already."

He never found the courage to send a reply.

*

"Doctor Perry, are you watching the tonsillectomy today?" a nurse questions as she walks by, her eyebrow quirked up above her cat eyed glasses.

"Yeah, I don't have much else to do," he jokes, shooting her a small smile. His father would like her. Perhaps she could be the one he married. Not like he had any choice of his own anyway.

"Well you better hurry! They're starting in fifteen," she smirks, winking a bit.

He did his best to plaster a smile on his face, his stomach churning at the thought of forcing himself to settle down with her. There weren't any candidates for even someone to date, for all of his hook ups were nothing more, and he didn't want them to be anything other. Neil hated to bring it up, but there was only one person he could imagine spending the rest of his days with, and he was long gone.

"Neil?" someone chirps, bringing him out of his own thoughts.

"Shit, I'm going to be late," he mutters, pushing past his concerned looking coworker.

As he sprints down the barren corridor, the blank walls blur together and he's unable to tell why he's still here.

 

Due to the fact that he's not officially a doctor yet, he still finds himself sitting in during routine procedures, occasionally doodling in the margins of the paper on his clipboard, instead of taking notes. Although it wasn't exactly what he wanted to do, the pay was good and he was almost guaranteed patients. He would never have to worry about his bills, or where his next meal was coming from.

Even though it might have seemed like Neil was content with his life, he missed the hot stage lights on his face, a steady stream of sweat trickling down his spine. He missed how powerful his words were, how he could capture an audience within seconds. He missed Todd's hands squeezing his own right before he went on stage, kissing the nerves away.

Todd was Neil's first love, and so far, his only. There was no way to explain it other than pure, unadulterated teenage love. Although it had begun only with a frenzy of hormones and a rushed kiss in the cave, it had exploded within him into something so deep it almost frightened him. Neil knew he could never be with Todd, marry Todd; there was no way. A tiny glimmer in the pit of his belly always seemed to hope there was a chance.

Neil slips into the room, careful to melt into the group of young, eager med students on the right. Towards the left of the room was the table, empty at the moment as the patient dressed in the next room over. The lead surgeon at the hospital, an older man that always ended up droning on and on about his family drama if you caught him while trying to grab a cup of coffee, murmured instructions to a nearby nurse who left the room presumably to get the patient. Neil hadn't even taken time to learn the guy's name, since he was so worried about having to endure another twenty minute conversation about the guy's sister's daughter finally getting a divorce from her "deadbeat husband".

"Alright everyone, today we're doing a routine tonsillectomy, so try not to get too excited," the surgeon jokes, earning a few dry chuckles.

Neil tries not to roll his eyes as the stretcher is rolled into the room, slightly obstructed from view by the small crowd of students.

A girl squeaks and whispers to her friend, "Oh, he's cute!"

Neil stifles a laugh and tries to catch a glimpse of the man, craning his neck a tad and peering over the rims of his wide glasses. All he can see is a slight tinge of pink skin before he stops breathing. Half unconscious and currently being rolled onto the table, is none other than Todd Anderson.

It takes Neil five minutes with a paper bag in the bathroom before he can even thxink about coming back out. Out of all the places, out of all the people, of course it had to be Todd. 

"This doesn't happen to people," Neil thinks to himself, bracing his hands on the sink in front of him, his stomach threatening to expel its contents.

There's a soft tap at the door, and the surgeon's voice comes through, telling Neil they're about to start. Neil takes in a deep breath before turning and slipping out the door, making his way towards the room. He lets out a tiny gasp when he sees Todd again, his cheeks not quite as pink as usual and his arms slightly more defined. Neil bites his lip and spins away, feebly attempting to quell the heat coiling in the pit of his belly.

He gets lost in the medical part of it all, audibly squeaking when the doctor begins to remove Todd's tonsils. There's so much blood; so much of Todd's blood, and Neil feels like the whole room is spinning. Before he even knows what's happening, his vision goes black.

*

By the time Neil comes to, the sun is high in the sky and the hustle and bustle around him is deafening. Someone must have left him in an office, for he's lying back on a couch, a blanket tossed haphazardly over his legs. He stands up slowly and stretches, spotting his discarded glasses on a side table. Neil pushes the door open and squints at the harsh florescent lights in the hall, doctors rushing past him to different examination rooms.

"Neil, how are you?" a passing surgeon questions.

"Okay, I guess."

"You went down so quick; you've been out for an hour now."

"Yeah, sorry, that's never happened before," he mumbles.

"If you feel okay, do you think you could check on the patient in room 221? He should be coming back up now after the surgery."

"Yeah, um, sure," Neil mutters, taking the patient's file and starting towards the stairs.

"Take care of yourself!" the doctor yells.

He trots up the stairs, ignoring his pounding head and flipping open the Manila folder. It's almost ironic that he sees Todd's name staring back at him, and he's not even surprised anymore. He hopes that Todd will be too drugged out to even notice it's him. Neil's heart feels like it might explode at any second, but his legs keep carrying him further up the stairs, until he's at the door for Todd's room.

After taking several deep breaths, Neil knocks lightly before slipping inside, spotting Todd on his side, facing the wall. He hears the quiet snores escaping from Todd's mouth, and he suddenly remembers every night back at Welton, pressed up against Todd's solid, warm body, an arm thrown around his waist.

"Mmm- someone there?" he mumbles, turning over slowly.

Neil trains his eyes down at the floor and says breathlessly, "Just here to check on you."

Todd stares for a few seconds, his big blue eyes blinking repeatedly before he rubs them furiously.

"Jesus, how many painkillers am I on? You're not real, right?"

Neil can't even reply, he just shakes his head violently and takes one step closer towards Todd's bed.

"What the fuck," Todd breathes.

"Nice to see you too," Neil jokes dryly.

"This can't be fucking happening."

Todd looks like he's about to have a meltdown, so Neil grabs his hand and gently runs his thumb over Todd's palm.

"Not fake, see?"

He smiles gently for a second before Todd pulls his hand away, unable to close his mouth, noiseless words slipping out. His eyes scan up Neil's body slowly and his hands twitch when his eyes meet Neil's.

"A doctor, huh?" he mutters.

"Yeah. Dad had me go."

"How's he doing?"

Neil swallows down hard and ignores the sudden, sharp pain in his stomach. "Wouldn't know. He's been dead for four years now."

Todd winces a little and chokes out a "sorry."

"It's alright. At least I can be myself now."

They stare at each other for a moment, both unsure about what that even means anymore.

There's a brief pause before Todd says "What about acting?"

Neil's face goes dark. "What about it?"

"If he's gone, why aren't you acting?" he whispers. Todd's mouth is open slightly and his lips are wet with spit, and Neil wants him so badly that he can feel it in his toes.

It's the one question Neil hasn't quite figured out yet himself; unable to face his father even in death. The room is eerily quiet and he can't even look at Todd, for the fear he might grab him and melt back into him. Neil wipes at his cheeks absentmindedly, trying to stop the tears that threaten to spill over.

"You were so good," Todd says quietly, curling his pinky over Neil's index finger. In that moment, Neil wants nothing more than to lean down and kiss the life out of Todd until they're both dead and in peace and can finally be together without having to worry about anything else.

There's a knock at the door and Neil jumps away, his brain racing with thoughts of taking Todd away with him; running away from everything that matters.

"Doctor Perry? Are you in here?" a voice says, a nurse pushing the door opening and glancing at Todd's teary eyes.

"Yeah, um, is something happening?"

"They need you downstairs. I'll take care of Mr. Anderson here," she states, wheeling a cart into the room.

"Sure, I'll just, um- I'll, just, feel better, sir," Neil chokes out.

Neil runs out of the room so fast he swears he feels every little thing collapse beneath him.

*

It's a week before Neil caves. Before he can even think it through, he's hidden in a janitor's closet, holding Todd's file in one hand, and his phone in the other. He vaguely remembers sneaking the file out of the office, hiding it under his coat and smiling at the woman at the front desk like he hadn't just committed a felony.

He punches the numbers into his phone and presses dial all while holding his breath.

It rings once, then twice, before a very sleepy sounding Todd mutters, "Hello?"

"Hey," Neil says softly, tilting his head back against the wall.

"Who is this? And why are you calling me at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday?"

"Shit, I didn't even realize-"

"Look, just- who is this?"

Neil's mouth is so dry and he can barely spit out his own name. The line is silent.

"How did you get this number?"

"I took your file."

He hears the smirk in Todd's voice as he says, "Hmm, isn't that illegal?" Even through the persona, Neil can hear his voice tremble a little as he takes in a deep breath.

"Probably."

 

It's silent for a moment, the sound of Todd's hiccupy breaths the only noise for a few seconds. Just the sound of his breathing makes Neil's toes curl in his shoes, and he misses Todd so much that he doesn't know how he survived the past few years without him. He spent most of his life miserable and alone even when Todd was right there, pressed up against him.

"Are you busy tonight?" Todd blurts, breaking the silence.

"I, um-"

"Oh shit, that's not what this was about, was it? Shit, I'm so fucking sorry, I'm gonna g-"

"Todd!"

 

Todd hiccups a little and, God, Neil is almost certain that he's fucking crying. Neil presses his nails into his palm to stop his own tears from escaping, trying to ignore Todd's tiny, shaky sobs.

"I'm not busy," Neil whispers.

The other line goes deadly quiet, and Neil is almost terrified he's lost him.

"Todd?"

"I'm here."

Neil scrubs a hand over his face, suddenly so tired of where he is and so eager to find Todd and kiss him until they're both breathless.

"Do you want to, um, come over later?" Todd murmurs.

"Yeah," Neil breathes, barely thinking it over before accepting.

"I'll text you then."

"Ok," Neil breathes again, unable to fully respond.

"Bye," Todd says after a moment of silence.

He hangs up before Neil can tell him he loves him.

*

At 7:39 promptly, Neil is standing on the doorstep of Todd's apartment, a bottle of wine in hand, practically vibrating with energy. He's not even sure if Todd wants him anymore, or if he even cares about what they once had. Neil can't stop his hands from shaking as he buzzes in, tentatively spitting out a "hello?"

"Hey, it's open!" Todd yells exasperatedly, pressing the button haphazardly, his fingers trembling.

Neil pushes the door open, running up the stairs to apartment 107, blinking at the door for a few seconds before turning the knob. He's greeted by Todd leaning over, searching under his couch, ass in the air. His mouth goes dry and he swallows down hard, resisting the temptation to plant his warm hands on Todd's hips.

"Hey," he chokes, watching Todd spin around and run a hand through his hair, his shirt riding up a teeny bit.

"Hi," Todd whispers, staring at Neil for a second. Then, he walks across the room and pulls Neil into a tight hug, and Neil almost cries with relief.

"How are you?" Todd breathes, arms locked around Neil's middle, his face smushed into Neil's neck.

"Good," Neil murmurs, wrapping his arms around Todd's shoulders, and carding a hand through his hair. Todd practically purrs and tries to push up towards Neil's hand while also nuzzling farther into Neil's neck.

"Fuck, I missed you," Todd says absentmindedly, his lips ghosting over Neil's throat.

"I missed you too."

They're like that for a minute or so, Neil gently rubbing the small of Todd's back. He plants a tiny kiss on the top of Todd's head, and he jumps a bit. It all changes in a split second, Todd pushing him away fiercely and looking at him like he's seen a ghost.

"Nuh-uh, you can't do that. Not after all this."

"Todd-"

"You never even...Why didn't you ever write back, you asshole?" he shouts, his lower lip quivering.

"Todd, I-"

"We didn't even know if you were alive," Todd whimpers, putting his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry."

Todd looks up again, his hands curling into fists.

"That's all you have to say? I could barely fucking function without you to-" Todd starts, cutting himself off by pinching the bridge of his nose, "I want to fucking punch you."

"You can," Neil says softly. 

"Fuck, I should. Too bad I can't mess up your pretty fucking face," Todd states, his eyes teary.

Neil's belly curls a tiny bit as Todd calls him pretty and then Todd is collapsing into a chair and sighing loudly.

"What am I going to do with you?" he murmurs.

"Wish I knew."

Todd peeks at Neil through his fingers, smiling a tiny bit.

"Wanna catch a movie for now?"

*

It's dead silent. Neil clasps his hands in his lap, his body tense and rigid, his eyes trained on the screen. Todd shifts uncomfortably, attempting to avoid Neil's hot thighs from touching his own, the two of them pressed together on Todd's love seat.

The movie theater had been so uncomfortable, reminding Neil the time that the two of them went to the cinema on a blustery Saturday evening, their cheeks red and blushing. Throughout the whole movie, Neil avoided Todd's hand in the popcorn bucket, afraid Todd would blow up again, but also terrified he would grab him and be unable to let go.

Neil isn't even sure what they're watching, but he knows that room is far too warm and he feels the heat radiating off of Todd. The air is so thick and humid and Neil is struggling to breathe.

"Can I, um, open a window?" Neil stutters, pointing weakly at the huge bay windows, the dirty street glittering below.

"Yeah, sure," Todd mumbles, pointedly not looking at Neil.

Neil sighs, pushing up off the couch and walking towards the windows. He doesn't notice Todd's legs stretched out across the carpet, stumbling over his feet. He nearly face plants into the hard wood floor, but feels Todd grab his hand to keep him steady.

"Thanks," he breathes.

"No problem."

There's a beat of silence as they both realize neither has let go of each other's hand. Todd is grasping his hand so hard that Neil isn't sure he could let go if he tried.

"Todd-" Neil begins.

"You fucking asshole," Todd mumbles, pulling Neil back down to the couch and pressing his hot, wet mouth to Neil's throat.

Neil yelps a little and grabs at Todd's shirt, pressing their mouths together. Todd lets out a loud sigh of content and climbs atop of Neil, fisting at his hair. It's like both of them have completely lost their inhibitions, kissing until they're breathless and leaning their foreheads together, panting fast with swollen, red lips.

"Fuck," Neil whispers, pressing his lips to Todd's pulse point and scraping his teeth against the sensitive skin lightly, reveling in Todd's tiny whimper. 

"Neil," Todd whines, grinding down on Neil's lap, sending a flash of white heat throughout Neil's body.

The two of them can't tell where one body ends and the other begins, their limbs colliding and tangling.

"Bedroom," Todd pleas, pawing at the hem of Neil's shirt and rocking his hips against Neil's thigh. Neil almost chokes when he feels Todd's hard cock rubbing against the fabric of his jeans, Todd letting out tiny mewls.

He grabs Neil's hand and pulls him to the back of the apartment, his socks slipping a little on the wooden floor. Neil can't even laugh because he's way too turned on and if he doesn't get his hands on Todd in another minute, he'll probably come in his pants.

It seems to take an hour just to get to his bedroom, Todd practically ripping the buttons off his own shirt and Neil gently mouthing at his collarbones, tongue darting out at his sweet spots. It's like a race to see who can get naked first, and Todd wins, letting Neil push him back onto the bed and admire him. He can't take his eyes off Todd, eyes flashing over the soft pudge of his belly, the muscles tense in his thighs, the curve of his cock.

"Jesus Christ, Todd," Neil slurs, pulling his own shirt over his head, Todd pressing his lips to Neil's belly button and flickering his tongue a little bit. He fumbles with Neil's belt, hastily unzipping his pants and whining as Neil pulls his hands away. Neil cocks an eyebrow at him and Todd spits out, "Wanna blow you."

"Fuck, oh my fucking-fucking hell, Todd," Neil stutters, wrestling with his pants and boxers, pushing them down and untangling them from his feet.

When he finally kicks his jeans away, he falls down next to Todd, kissing him hot and wet and dirty, sucking his tongue into his mouth and relishing Todd's loud moan.

Then Todd is pushing him back so his head is against the pillows and biting at Neil's flushed and sweaty chest, kissing down to his belly button. Todd wastes no time traveling down Neil's body, letting his hot breath blow against Neil's cock, making it twitch slightly.

"Todd, please," Neil pleads, threading his hands into Todd's hair.

Todd smirks a little and licks long stripe from base to tip, almost like he's licking a fucking lollipop and, Jesus, Neil nearly comes right there and then. Without any warning, Todd swallows Neil down, moaning in tandem with him. Neil loosens his grip on Todd's hair, afraid he'll end up pulling his hair out. He lets out a loud moan as Todd glides his mouth up and down his cock, twirling his tongue against the head. Todd's hand is wrapped around the part of Neil's cock that he can't quite reach with his mouth, and he's moaning around Neil's cock, rubbing his crotch against Neil's leg and letting out hitching moans.

Todd pulls off for a second, looking like actual porn with a web of spit connecting to Neil's dick and a wet, pink mouth. "You can fuck my mouth," he says hoarsely before sinking back down on.

A tiny cry emits from Neil's throat as his hips jerk forward, Todd gagging a tiny bit but letting out a loud, muffled moan at the same time. He keeps fucking into the tight, hot wetness of Todd's mouth, letting out shaky breaths as Todd flutters his tongue against Neil's dick.

At this point, Neil is babbling on about Todd's mouth and how good he feels, his toes curling slightly as Todd flattens one hand on Neil's stomach and the other fondles Neil's balls.

"Jesus Christ, Todd, I'm gonna fucking come soon," he whines, tugging at Todd's hair.

He places his hand on Todd's and is bringing it to his mouth to kiss it when he sees it.

It's a tiny tattoo that goes around Todd's ring finger.

And it's a crown of thorns.

Neil can't stop himself from coming straight down Todd's throat, crying out so loud that it almost sounds like sobs. Todd milks him through it, jerking him slowly and planting tiny kisses on his thighs and hips. His vision is blurred a little as his head lolls back onto the pillow, his orgasm literally putting him to sleep. He's just about to fall asleep when he hears Todd let out a tiny noise and he suddenly remembers that Todd's still all strung out.

He pushes Todd's hand away from his cock and spits in his own, getting a firm grip around the base. Todd gasps and presses his head into Neil's neck, breathing hot against his throat. Neil roughly fists Todd's cock, soaking in Todd's beautiful sounds.

"Next time," Todd breathes, letting out a moan as Neil twists his wrist on the upstroke.

"Hmm? What about it?"

"Need you to fuck me next time," he says, biting his lip and thrusting up into Neil's palm as he kisses the shit out of him.

"Don't worry. I will," Neil says, feeling his cock twitch a bit at the thought of sinking into Todd and finally allowing him to be loud, and maybe even ride him.

With those last few words, Todd looks straight into Neil's eyes and tosses his head back, coming all over his own belly and Neil's hand. Neil continues to stroke him until he's oversensitive and mewling, his cock slumped over and spent.

They both fall back on the bed, ignoring the mess between them and sucking on each other's bottom lips.

"Tattoo," Neil breathes.

Todd hums. "For you."

There's a slight pause as Neil says, "Love you."

Todd kisses him softly. "Love you too. Always will."

*

Neil wakes up with a mouthful of Todd's hair.

At first he can't remember where he is, who he's with, and then he feels someone holding his hand so tight that his knuckles are white. He blinks once, twice, and then nuzzles his face back into Todd's neck and starts sucking a dark bruise directly under Todd's ear.

"Nnnnrghhhahhh?" Todd mumbles, arching up into Neil's mouth and pressing against his body until they're bodies are lined up, crotch flush to ass.

He gently teethes at Todd's throat, small purple marks littering his skin. Todd whimpers and starts to flip over and wrap himself around Neil.

"No, no," Neil laughs, a hand pushing Todd back down so he can throw his legs over him and pin his thighs down.

"What are you doing?" Todd mumbles sleepily, eyes bleary.

"We need to shower," he says while running a hand through Todd's hair and kissing him chastely. 

"Mm'kay," he groans, pulling Neil back down for another kiss.

It's another twenty minutes before they even think about getting in the shower.

*

"So, are you going to stay?"

It's a week after the two boys met again that Todd asks. They're seated in a sticky booth at the diner, sipping their black coffees while they tangle their feet together under the table. Neil feels Todd's fingers drumming on his knee.

"What do you mean?" Neil asks, furrowing his brows and dumping a packet of sugar into his drink.

Todd huffs a little and stares at Neil pleadingly. "Like... You won't leave again?"

"Jesus, of course not, Todd. I spent nine years thinking about you; why the hell would I leave again when I just got you back?"

Todd blushes and little and grabs Neil's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"You know, the rest of the guys really want to see you."

"Really?"

He nods, pressing his leg to the inside of Neil's thigh. "They miss you."

"As long as you're there with me," Neil breathes.

Todd scoffs. "You're an asshole," he mumbles as he pulls Neil in for a kiss.

Neil couldn't imagine it any other way.

end.


End file.
